He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
