i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
