He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize