May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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