Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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