You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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