We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
