its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
