I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She announced her abortion via fbk
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
