You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it's like iHOP with fire
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize