we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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