I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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