i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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