I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
