ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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