I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize