If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
