Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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