she takes plan B like it's going out of style
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize