your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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