Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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