5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
