make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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