Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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