so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
