he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
