Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
