Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You smell like stripper and shame
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
