We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All the doctor said was why
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
