it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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