I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
