Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
