worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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