Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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