If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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