What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We need to get me chipped asap
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
