Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
