You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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