id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
