If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize