shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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