you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
