you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I need to stop coming to work sober
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
