never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Come share oat with me in your robe
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize