Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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