So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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