Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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