I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You ruined the universe
Randomize
