I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
