Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
