On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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