i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
