I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
