I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
