Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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