wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
