yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
