I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize