new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
