i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
