I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
